Madeline Smith, Sarah Jen, & Mijin Jeong
Titles: Weight of the World & I Want Them to Know
Topic: COVID-19 and Skilled Nursing Facilities
COVID-19 rapidly changed skilled nursing facilities (SNFs) around the world as they encountered new challenges and constantly adapted their rules and regulations. In the spring of 2020, we surveyed and interviewed SNF administrators intending to capture their experiences during the pandemic. The data we collected was evocative and perfectly captured some of the many devastating impacts of COVID-19. Because of the poignant nature of their stories, we compiled our findings into two found poems, which used the participant's own words as the source material. In the first poem, Weight of the World, the administrators describe the overwhelming responsibility placed on them to maintain the safety and wellbeing of their residents experiencing the profound loneliness of quarantine. The second poem, I Want Them to Know, details the resiliency of administrators and staff as they respond to the unpredictable challenges COVID-19 posed. The two poems create a complementary narrative describing both the pain and resiliency of administrators, staff, and residents during the pandemic.
Weight of the World
Madeline Smith
There's so much you can do
as an administrator
It's everything
you wear so many hats
it's leading
it's service
you can't predict
what is going to get thrown at you
coordinating it all
making sure each part is working correctly
Connecting with your staff
to build them up
empowering them to step up
because that's what they came to do
I’m the last defense
keeping us in good standing
it can be a very draining
very exhausting job
We shut our doors to visitors on March 13th
and so, life as we knew it changed
that was the first thing we had to get past
is this real?
I remember sometime in April
they told us we might still be doing this in November
we all just laughed
it seemed inconceivable to us
I can't imagine
going back to the places I've been
to the friends I've had
trying to explain what I've been through
My greatest fear
is that I get COVID in the building
and we didn't do infection control right
if we didn't do this right
it's negligence
was it criminal negligence?
are they going to hold me responsible?
am I going to prison
because we had a COVID outbreak?
To stop a pandemic, it's impossible
It spread like spider webs all over the facility
at one point
we were way more optimistic than we are now
we are the fail-safe
when things fail for at-home care
we're all there is
There was a point
we were just concerned about keeping people alive
we saw so many changes in residents
that were honestly alarming
Is it ever going to end?
It's been an eye opener
to see what isolation does to people
sometimes they will attribute a death
to COVID
because of the depression from isolation
You explain it's for their protection
but it's not living
everyone is weary
and fatigue is setting in
"Why is this happening to me?”
"I can't breathe with it on.”
“I don't want to be in my room.”
“I want to see people.”
I'm not going to lie
sometimes I've looked the other way
when a couple residents get closer than six feet
We have some residents
if somebody gets upset they say
"We still have to follow the rules.”
“They're trying their best.”
“Let's just make the best out of it."
I don't think they can take another quarantine
Yes, they can visit through a closed window
they can call on the phone
they can send letters or cards
but it's not the same as human touch
and it's not the same as having somebody
right there with you
it's not being able to see
and feel their family
they're at the end of life
what if they didn't get to say goodbye?
It's hard not to feel personally responsible
for the people that didn't make it
how many people are we going to lose
before it is all over?
We have done everything asked of us
have stretched to the point of breaking
and we still managed to keep our residents and staff healthy
Our residents and staff are resilient
you don't know how to thank
people who put their lives at risk
I try to always have a smile on my face
I know everybody's not having the experience we did
People say,
"You don't have the weight of the world on your shoulders"
but in this instance
I do.
I WANT THEM TO KNOW
MIJIN JEONG
The outbreak was emotionally & physically overwhelming
but it actually made staff into a stronger team
I'm part of a team and I'm not out here by myself
people reached out
"How can we help?"
they made masks
sent cards
brought food for the staff
sponsored events
donated money
The Cares Act was a surprise
the government was open
to sign off on things
to make change
review policies
gave us everything we needed supply-wise
like the stimulus
most people have $62 a month to spend
suddenly all of them have got $1,350 in a bank account
one man hadn't had anything new for years
now he walks around in suits and ties all day
and feels like a million bucks
It has made us more aware
of how much residents need contact
even if it's not with their family
even if it's with us
because we kind of had to fill the role
of parent, and friend, and child
we really have gotten to know more about them
as people
and so that's a positive for me
maybe we wouldn't learn those things
had COVID not come
we wouldn't have had time
The media tends to make things
sound a whole lot worse than they actually are
you never see stories about
nursing homes doing good things
It's always about the negative
about the abuse cases
about the infection cases
the exaggerated or jaded news
unfortunately
poor media gives nursing homes a bad name
this issue has changed
from a health-related concern
to a political nightmare
I wish it could be seen as the health issue it is.
I want the media to show the good things
like the nursing homes that have been through all of this since March
and still don't have a case in the building
where are the stories highlighting the facilities
that have done everything that has been asked of them
have been stretched to the point of breaking
have still managed
to keep all of their residents and staff healthy?
I wish that people really knew
how the staff loved the residents
I want them to know.